I closed my eyes. I did not just hear that sound…. The sound of material ripping as I bent forward to pick up the duster from the floor.
Standing up I examined my bottom, Nope! nothing there! The sliver of hope I have been clinging onto evaporated quickly once I discovered the 15 cm long rip on the inside of my jeans. I have been putting off climbing on the scale for the last couple of weeks, my last pair of jeans obviously decided that I have lived in denial long enough!
It was eight at night and no shop in sight to organise alternative arrangements, well, not one where I could comfortably sneak into without risking serious indecent exposure… The only good thing? It was a Friday evening, and I did not have to be at work the next day with nothing to wear! 😀
The next morning I was up with the sunrise and scouted out the local department store as soon as it opened its doors! There was barely a soul around, perhaps I can still manage this halfway unscathed!
My trauma however deepened when I realised I did not know my size any more! Let me be clear, I have a very womanly figure, and most Walkway Model type pants don’t make it further up than my knees – even in normal (not being overweight and in denial) situations. I made a couple of guesses and after 2 unsuccessful, albeit slightly frustrating fittings I ventured into the “fuller figure clothes” aka clothes that usually make the bag lady look more like a bag. Desperate times calling for desperate measures!
Anyhow, I found something that looked reasonable. I quickly sneaked into the fitting rooms and pulled it on…. Boy! Suddenly there was no tightness around my legs, an elastic band around the waist made everything feel so much more comfortable… Comfort – a long forgotten luxury I somehow missed out on!
My first fat pants. My first I-have-ample-space-pants…
For that moment, it was bliss not being sausaged into a pair of tight jeans that made everything, and myself feel… just bleh.
It was also a significant moment for me on a couple of other matters:
- I realised that I have picked up more weight than I wanted to admit – Lady of Denial!
- I realised that despite this I can also be bloody-hell comfortable! 🙂
- I realised the value of the above and how it made me feel
- I realised that in that moment I cared more for myself than in a very long time – thank you rippy jeans!
Only afterwards I recognised how significant this moment was for me – it was the beginning of a new journey. The journey I have been on for the last couple of years. It was a small, in comparison not a really big moment, but the magic came afterwards. And this, ladies and gentleman is what this blog became about – the journey of the fat pants and I.
The story continues next time!