So lately I have trouble sleeping… it is past 12 on Tuesday and after 2.5 hours of whirling around in my bed; trying breathing exercises or to generally stop thinking I have given up. The air is sticky and even after a thunderstorm and a brief shower it has not really cooled down that much either.
Once I have fallen asleep I have no real issues, I sleep like a stone… but the sandman seems to elude me these days so I would rather spend the time writing than doing nothing. Not really sleep inducing according to the experts but who cares.
There has been a couple of changes recently, not changes that I initiated – sometimes we can allude to ourselves that these are easier. No, changes that are just happening. Instead of me packing up and moving after 5 years I seem to be the one staying behind… with almost everyone else moving away. Leaving me a bit perplexed and to be honest a little sad.
It is hard work to come to a new place and make friends from scratch. Especially if you are in a country that is new to you. It is also a constant process… which clubs am I going to join, if I speak to the stranger on the train will it matter, if I suggest meeting up for a coffee, will they not find it strange… ? It’s tough for someone that classes herself as an introvert and I am not someone to make best friends with people from work. Most have their settled routines and their settled friends and family and see no requirement to allow anyone else in their lives – so you kind of ending up making friends with all the other immigrants / foreigners around you. In Cologne you are classed as an “Immi” – lovingly called this to showcase that you don’t come from here.
I would not class the behaviour as xenophobic or scared of foreigners – people are the same all over the world – they don’t know you and coming from a place where you stay next to the same neighbour for 15+ years it is no wonder they struggle to open up to friends outside of their known circle. I truly marvel at this.
So yes, I will move my butt from my very comfy couch a bit more often these days, I have never been one to feel sorry for myself for very long and as part of my self imposed “therapy” I am constantly attracting potential friends into my life. After all this is not the stone age anymore, where I can chunk someone over the head and schlep them off to my cave to be my friend for the weekend… well theoretically!